Dipping into Santa Fe

One week has rolled uncomfortably into another since we arrive here in Santa Fe in September. That has been what, 10 months now and I have been working, pretty much without relief at Santa Fe BMW. Over the last two years I have tortured myself relentlessly, trying to rebuild the past.

Most notably the torture has been between being a travel writer and a musician. God I have so much baggage with being a musician.

Jumping ahead, yesterday I went down to El Farol which is having a blues jam, to sign up for tonights jam. Yet it was so crowded and we were on the motorcycle that I could not bring myself to the issue of parking and going inside. FEAR----

And I am still fearful, I still want to go tonight, but I fear the unknown. What if I can't park, what if I can't play, do I need my own equipment? How long have I been our to circulation?

I am getting a strong feeling that music is something I should pursue.

Also found the ugly side of Santa Fe Tourism yesterday on Canyon road and was very repulsed and intimidated by it. God those horrible tourist trollies...Ugh!


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Went to the jam, had some good players in the band and found the well-heeled-aging Santa Fe hippie crowd. Also met up with some of the motorcycle wanna be yuppies who come into shop.
Anyway, that is another story.

Actually felt pretty relaxed sitting in the back of the room with Patti may love and adventure partner. Trying to breath in and out evenly and remember my Kenny Werner lessons.

Interesting how I responded under pressure...not pressure so much because I was actually pretty relaxed, but progress from my old habits...not so much.  Have not internalized my Effortless Mastery lessons too well?

Back to the drawing board...or really back to the meditation room